Day 21: More Story Revisions

The story got toss around a bunch - everybody had a different idea of how the story would play out, especially the tutors - it changed completely, and then back to how I had it on the pitch and then we tweaked the middle part, and we've gone through 4 different endings, but we finally got a nice middle ground that I think we're all happy with.

Everybody was doing some nice work, on background, layouts and character concepts, I've just about finished the script - there's one part that we've change but I'm confused on how to write it - also I think it's going through yet another revision, just to trim it down a bit (I tend to go overboard with detail)

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to get started with the storyboard - I've got some nice visual slapstick gags in mind that's impossible to describe in the script, but there's a good chance my next post will be 'Day 22: Yet MORE Story Revisions!!'

Anyway, here's the new scene we added - we cut the basket ball scene and moved this new one in front of the pop test scene  - the story flows more nicely, now, but as i said before.... too much detail!!

Teacher

“Alright class, settle down and take your seats”

Centeotl smashes into the white board, and the door teacher god turns into a more humanoid figure

Teacher

“Ares, I will not tolerate that behaviour, be seated, before I fail you!”

Anubis and Nezha sit beside each other, behind Ares, who saved a seat for Aphrodite.
Centeotl sits down in the seat Ares saved, instead – Ares looks angry at him

[INT. THE CLASSROOM]
The teacher leaves the door form and turns into a drawing of an eye on the white board.

Teacher

“Welcome class, today we'll be learning about creationism, - we'll be starting with something simple, planets, and move to creating universes milennia”

everybody is making their planets
Centeotl adds the finishing touches to his happy little planet full of corn trying with one windmill – the camera pans to Ares's dull planet with sounds of destruction and small explosions coming off of it
Centeotl looks over at Ares's planet

Centeotl

“Hey pal, how's your planet going?”

Ares looks at Centeotl, grunts and continues watching the destruction

Centeotl

“Whoaa!! you've already got life on your planet!!”

Ares

“Not for long...”

Ares does an evil grin while Centeotl continues to watch the planet

Centeotl

“they're eating each other... they must be hungry!!”

Centeotl grabs his own planet and shakes it a bunch – corn falls off, onto Ares's planet

Ares

“What are you doing!?”

Ares grabs the planet off of Centeotl and shoves it into his mouth
Ares looks at his own planet and see's the creatures all eating corn and erecting a statue of Centeotl

Ares

“they're eating corn.... they're happy... is that a statue of...”

Ares looks angrily at Centeotl who got his planet out of his mouth

Ares

“I'M GOING TO RIP YOU TO SHREDS”

everything goes pitch black, leaving Ares's alone in a darkness
The teacher eye, as a spotlight light, shines onto Ares

Teacher

“Ares, if you keep disrupting other students, I will send you to the detention dimension”

Ares

“the what?”

Teacher

“it's like your own personal hell”

Ares is returned to the class room

Centeotl

“I missed you!”